So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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