so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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