Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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