I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize