Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
