just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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