i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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