they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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