Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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