I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
