currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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