And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
