i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
