He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
soo... how was my night?
do nipples grow back?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
