Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
