sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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