that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
