I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
