you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
