I want to have your abortion
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
