Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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