the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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