That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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