I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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