Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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