My Higher Power is John Stamos
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
