I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
