my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
