So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
