I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
