i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
