If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
