Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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