You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
