sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
