I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
