so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
