she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
