i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
