I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
