Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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