yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
