she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
