I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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