I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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