I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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