well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
pop tarts are not kleenex
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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