My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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