I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize