She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
