i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
