I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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