meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
