i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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