Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
