he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize