pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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