She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
