I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
