I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
