I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
