if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
