I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
