he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I intend to get homeless drunk
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
