I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
