have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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