just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
