By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
