Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
