Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
