wrigley field is MILF paradise
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
